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The life that I have is all that I have

The life that I have is all that I have and the life that I have is yours.

This is me:"My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations." (John Green, "The Fault In Our Stars")

Former suburban hothouse flower. Currently struggling to function as an adult.

This blog has no theme and is largely inane.
Aug 25 '14

A list of common terms in the progressive vocabulary that are used problematically, BESIDES “bisexual”:
- “ambiguous genitalia”
- “transgender”
- “omnisexual”
- “cross-dresser”
- “disabled”
- “queer”
- “preferred pronouns”
- “lesbian”
- “gay”
- “homosexual”
- “straight”
- “same sex relationship”
- “male-to-female” or mtf
- “female-bodied”

Let’s be clear: although general trends exist, everyone’s sexual and romantic attractions, fantasies, and experiences are unique, and they rarely relate to the object of attraction’s internal sense of their own gender. Everyone responds differently to the gender pressures of their culture or cultures, and everyone’s internal sense of their own gender is also unique.

Singling out bisexuals to criticize them for their attempt to make their experiences, their attractions, their identities intelligible both to themselves and to the world - that is biphobia, and it is by far more damaging and problematic than the word “bisexual.”

Aug 12 '14

transgalacticwanderer:

prochoicebecausefuckoff:

lettuceiscurrentlyinmyasshole:

divinedorothy:

bisexual means you can only like 2 things i’ve chosen drinking and wizards

Cereal and ferrets

Eyeliner and ice cream

Sauerkraut and puppies!!! 

70/30 internet and real life

Aug 12 '14
slytherbitch-in-the-impala:

Playing cards against humanity with Dean

slytherbitch-in-the-impala:

Playing cards against humanity with Dean

Aug 12 '14

artemisfowlstolemysoul:

Being a nice person is so fun

Waiter messes something up? You can see the relief on their faces when you don’t scream and swear at them about it

Extra tickets at an arcade/prize place? Watch a little kid’s face light up when you give them a bunch of tickets

There are too many assholes in this world. Be a nice person.

yeah, this is my experience as well

Aug 12 '14

TW: TERFs, transphobia, rape, Gavin McInnes

How does a person become a radfem?

Typical Oliver internet rabbit hole: I was browsing Autostraddle, started reading an article about Gavin McInnes (apparently has spouted a bunch of terrifying nonsense), skimmed one of his articles that they fakelinked to, where he had embedded a link to a TERF’s blog entry about how all penis-in-vagina sex is rape. (Straw feminist ploy on McInnes’s part, as I see it, even if this straw feminist is an actual person. There needs to be a separate term for that, when you aren’t putting words in a straw opponent’s mouth, just pointing to an extreme example of a group and implying that they represent the whole. Kind of like me pointing at Rush Limbaugh as an example of all conservatives, I guess.)

One of the things I’ve been really troubled by lately is lack of nuance in political/social justice discussions. I’m neither an absolutist nor a committed ethical relativist: I don’t think ethics are black and white; often there are many “good” approaches and often there are few or none; there are always unhelpful or harmful approaches; and there’s probably never a “correct” or “right” approach, maybe not even a “best” one. Still, there are (at most somewhat objective) ways to determine the ethical or moral advantages and disadvantages of a word or action, or a system, a society, etc.

So that’s where I’m coming from.

I’m not going to waste time on McInnes. I can’t take him seriously and honestly I don’t want to go through and read horrible stuff that other people, “regular” people, probably read and agreed with or laughed along with. That’s honestly more upsetting than reading hurtful things written by someone on the fringes, who I can’t picture catching the ear of anyone who has any power over me, or anyone I love. I’m also not going to pick apart the radfem’s perspective for it’s own sake because that seems like a waste of time too, and frustrating.

What I’m wondering is how a person becomes a radfem? Like, I get how you become McInnes, I think - I can imagine it. Honestly it just seems like a lot of ego, intellectual laziness, and lack of empathy. Plus privilege, yeah. A ton of privilege. But radfems - it’s not that I’m not able to figure out where the idea that heterosexual sex is always rape comes from (patriarchy -> women are brainwashed to love their chains or not be able to see them -> consent is not possible), it’s that I don’t understand how a person ignores the inadequacy of this paradigm. Like, there are flaws in the logic to be sure, but also it is just not a mental framework conducive to living a happy or satisfying or constructive life, and it’s pretty short on ways to address the problems it identifies, whether practical or theoretical.

Like, sexual pleasure is obviously something that most humans feel and enjoy, and most of them like it better when they share it with another person. It can even be lonely to go without sexual contact for long periods of time, detrimental to one’s mental and ultimately physical health. (Loneliness -> depression -> physical symptoms of depression, or loneliness -> depression -> self-harm, or nobody’s getting intimate with your body on a regular basis, not even you, and a serious health issue goes unnoticed, etc.) (Also, obviously you can live a happy and healthy life without sex. Plus, significantly decreased risk of STIs!) So, if all PIV is rape, and you’re advocating against any rape of any kind ever happening, which I assume you are (“you” being the hypothetical radfem I’m trying to understand), then…can men and women have other kinds of sexual contact without it being rape? Is that the solution?

(Which, honestly, I feel like that would be acceptable for some people. There are plenty of women who prefer non-penetrative sex. There are couples who just abstain from it. You do you.)

But…the earlier path I followed to get to the point where heterosexual sex was always rape did not actually have a loophole for non-PIV sex, so - what do women who are attracted to men, exclusively, do? Vibrators aren’t gonna cut it for everyone. Plus there’s that whole loneliness thing.

Anyway. How do you get to a place where you’re a person who thinks things like this? If you were abused I can definitely get why. If you weren’t and your friend was, maybe. But even for anyone who comes to radfem conclusions, how do you stay there? How do you function? How do you not realize how reductive your ideas are?

I try to shy away from reductive opinions. I can get caught up in them, don’t get me wrong, especially if I’m angry enough or hurt enough or I haven’t thought things through. But my politics and general approach to living aspires to come from a place of compassion and love, so when I realize I’m doing the opposite, I try to course correct. Honestly, although I’m very committed to authenticity, I’m not as interested in factual truth because it’s just - inadequate. Truth is fascinating and powerful, but compassion is much more useful.

And fear, anger, hurt, sadness - these are all completely appropriate to the horrors we witness and experience, but they’re pretty shaky as the basis for a philosophy, or for action.

But what do I know, I’m a traitor to my sex. (Rolls eyes.)

Aug 11 '14

i am so angry

at tumblr

at me

at interfaces in general

gjiagoshjeiw;OIVJA;

Aug 11 '14

Attention Trans Fellas of Tumblr: A Query

(probably also going to submit this as an ask to some trans blogs)

(this question also applies to anyone else who has this particular question, or an answer to it, I just figure trans guys would be my best option for answers, but maybe cis women with strap ons as well?)

*

Hey y’all. This is a sex question. This is a sex accessory/toy question. (I apologize to anyone I know in real life who reads this - don’t click the read more link unless you’re sure you won’t want to unknow.) I think I’ve researched a lot of my options pretty thoroughly, but I got one thing I’m still looking for, and I’m not even sure what my search terms would be.

Read More

Aug 11 '14

this got really long, i have a lot of feelings about steve rogers, bucky barnes, and steve rogers/bucky barnes, also steve rogers + bucky barnes + babies (apparently)

every time I gorge myself on a particular ship I start having really specific cravings for like The Ideal Fic for that ship

like rn I want a steve/bucky fic that has

  • funny “we grew up in the thirties” fluff like in mistake on the part of nature / 20something nonagenarians confronting the future together
  • steve and bucky being weird about each other post winter soldier, just, caretaker steve and strange lost blank stare bucky like in tag ur porn
  • convincing enough trauma recovery (either semi realistic, realistic and depressing as shit, or handwavey in a way I can buy, just, something that doesn’t distract from the story) like in circling back or other stories where it’s dealt with a little less heartbreakingly
  • always compliant with winter soldier, always has at least a good chunk of it set afterward
  • gay steve, bi bucky, I don’t know, i just, for some reason i don’t usually go for the 2 bi guys get together slash trope, it’s okay but not my favorite, I don’t know, plus steve is canonically super inexperienced and might legitimately not know, or know but not have said, or whatever, it’s totally plausible, but bucky seems like he def like/liked women at some point so
  • ptsd, acknowledge, you can handwave recovery but at least acknowledge it
  • sam wilson remembers that Steve Has PTSD Too

  • steve does not remember that steve has ptsd too

  • people were homophobic in the thirties and forties, please address this

  • sam wilson
  • SAM WILSON
  • virgin steve, I don’t know, I just
  • bucky kind of misses little sick pre serum steve
  • both of them are ridiculous and overprotective of each other, like seriously guys, it makes sense and it’s even got reasonable basis (steve’s past fragility, bucky’s massive ptsd) but please
  • old timey slang
  • tony has a fetish for bucky’s arm
  • sam wilson
  • all the sex, like all the kinds of sex
  • buttsex
  • handjobs
  • I really like rimming in fics okay don’t judge it’s a thing
  • steve not knowing how to sex
  • steve having weird virgin ideas about what sex entails
  • maybe in the spirit of research steve reads about it on the internet/in cosmo? and like practices deepthroating cucumbers and it doesn’t go so well and jarvis is concerned because jarvis is always there watching steve touch himself/phallic produce
  • you know, and this is not something I like Need, or at least I don’t need it in steve/bucky or any particular pairing, but sometimes when people fuck, like, penetratively, the person with the dick inside them doesn’t always come first you know, I mean that’s like, satisfying, but, it doesn’t always happen, and if steve’s topping, and steve’s all virginal, I feel like he would be particularly prone to premature ejaculation or like coming after one thrust because “oh god, bucky, I - it’s too good, I’m gonna - ” etc and collapses on top of bucky and then bucky starts cracking up and steve can barely even muster up a glare much less reciprocate at least for 60 seconds but, you know, super soldier, so I figure, well, for one thing bucky’s not gonna let awkward virgin lack of control stop him from getting off, and steve gets back in the game pretty quick after that because, really, he’s not missing out on that
  • unrelated to the shipping or characterization, natasha’s last name is most accurately romanova by russian naming schemes but if you’re gonna anglicize it I feel like romanoff would make more sense than romanov because that’s how women’s surnames tend to be anglicized, they don’t just leave off the extra syllable they spell it differently
  • I guess that’s pretty much it
  • sam wilson

also I really like >10k fics

so if anyone writes my dream steve/bucky fic I’ll read it a thousand times probs

I really like circling back and catenary chain (sequel to circling back), they’re perf

I just

can we have 5000 more fics like mistake on the part of nature and tag ur porn

Read More

Jul 30 '14

I feel like I want there to be not just women’s spaces, but also “women and trans* folk of all varieties” spaces. Like, I like trans spaces, they’re good, but they’re also a little lonely and insular, prob because we’re only around 2% of the population? Also I just like women a lot. I like their minds, and hanging out with them. I think this whole genre of angst I’ve been having is down to one of the following, or a combination…
- I want to have my cake and eat it too
- the grass is always greener on the other side
- non-binary problems

I suppose it could be a male privilege/patriarchal urge to assert claim to everything, but that seems pretty unlikely - I don’t feel possessive, just forlorn, like I’m losing something important.

Jul 28 '14

Oh god I just spent like an hour reading dad jokes

Tumblr, you should know this about me: I am an aspiring dad. Like, literally I do want to raise a kid someday, and it’ll be amazing and stressful and beautiful and super confusing and okay imma stop there because I could actually go on for paragraphs about the magic and responsibility of caring for a child and being a parent, but no, that is not my point here. My point is that someone in the last few months made the observation that all of my jokes are basically dad jokes, and, probably contrary to her expectations, I got all warm and fuzzy and it started this whole thing where I’m really excited about being the cheesiest dad ever.

I dunno. It’s a silly goal. But also, pretty much everyone I know has some sort of bad blood with their father(s) and I don’t want to be that person for my kid, you know? Presumably all those men love their children and want them to be happy, and I know I will definitely feel the same about my future kid, so, I’d MUCH RATHER be the lame, corny, groan-inducing dad than the dad who was never around, or the dad who was always angry, or - whatever, there’s so many problems I’ve experienced or heard about.

So, goals for parenting:

  1. Love
  2. Support
  3. Basic physical needs (food shelter clothes maybe this should be higher on the list?)
  4. Dad jokes

So, I’m in the process of getting my shit together for the first three, but it’s kind of stressful and too somber to talk about when really I just want to talk about how awesome babies and kids and teenagers and just, that whole offspring situation all is, or can be, so instead, Dad jokes. I’m boning up on my Dad jokes. I’m crafting elaborate Dad jokes in my head, practicing on my friends, so that when the time comes, I’ll be ready with everything from “Hi Hungry, I’m Dad” to perfectly timed puns.

And since I’m sort of a self-styled “armchair linguist”* I feel that I will be even better prepared for this sort of thing, as most of the best (/worst?) Dad jokes revolve around wordplay.

*Yum, upholstery**

**Secondhand Dad joke, from my own dad, who is one of the masters of the Dad Joke (pratfalls! multi-tier puns! surreal humor!)

_________________________________________________________________

okay now what are mom jokes though

i feel like they’re different

but similar

hmmm

sometimes they mock you lovingly?

or teach you a lesson, sort of, maybe, ehh

my actual specific mom is hilariously terrible at telling jokes

like, she’ll get the punchline out of order or set it up wrong so the punchline doesn’t make sense

it’s really adorable, it’s like the joke-telling part of her brain is just, stuck at four years old

(i’m pretty sure my stepmom’s joke-telling and appreciation is stuck at 8th grader, but i mean, dad jokes pretty much average the approximate maturity level of your typical 8 year old, smug “c wat i did there” grin and all)

but anyway, for example, my mom was telling me a logic joke, and this is how she told it:

"3 mathematicians walk into a bar, and the bartender asks the first one if he wants a drink and he says maybe. the bartender asks the second one if he wants a drink and he says maybe. and then the bartender asks the third one if he wants a drink and he says yes."

and then she stopped and waited for me to get it

i just stared back at her, waiting for it to click

so anyway, this is the actual joke:

Three mathematicians walk into a bar.

The bartender asks them, “Do you all want a drink?”

The first one says, “Maybe.”

The second one says, “Maybe.”

And the third one says, “Yes.”

which i actually do find pretty amusing because i am a nerd

and it would’ve qualified as a very nerdy Dad Joke if not for the delivery

as it was, it qualified as a “we are laughing because you are terrible at this, like, little kids are better than you at this, it’s like watching a puppy trying to pick up a basketball” and i was much more delighted with my mom’s general incongruity and quirkiness than with the actual joke

she’s actually really smart

she has a masters in english literature

SHE CAN READ BEOWULF UNTRANSLATED

also she’s just

wonderful

and i feel bad for making fun of her on the internet

even though IT’S ALL TRUE

and additionally is one of the things i love the best about her

um

my mom is actually the best you guys, that’s what you should take away from this

the best

Jul 22 '14

Leo Marks

The life that I have

Is all that I have

And the life that I have

Is yours.

The love that I have

Of the life that I have

Is yours and yours and yours.

A sleep I shall have

A rest I shall have

Yet death will be but a pause.

For the peace of my years

In the long green grass

Will be yours and yours and yours.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Life_That_I_Have

Jul 22 '14
fuckyeahftms:

Who IS that? It can’t be me. Nah.
What a difference a decade can make. The hair. Oh, goodness. That’s the only difference. And I no longer wear frog shirts (in public).
Funny faces are my specialty. I didn’t listen to my grandpa and it got stuck that way.

Wow these photos remind me of me.
That’s a pretty cute kid up there on the left. I had hair that long too, and I wore frog shirts sometimes. Never “Native woman staring into pond at her reflection except it’s actually a wolf howling” shirts though. I always thought they were weird and tacky. Good for me.

fuckyeahftms:

Who IS that? It can’t be me. Nah.

What a difference a decade can make. The hair. Oh, goodness. That’s the only difference. And I no longer wear frog shirts (in public).

Funny faces are my specialty. I didn’t listen to my grandpa and it got stuck that way.

Wow these photos remind me of me.

That’s a pretty cute kid up there on the left. I had hair that long too, and I wore frog shirts sometimes. Never “Native woman staring into pond at her reflection except it’s actually a wolf howling” shirts though. I always thought they were weird and tacky. Good for me.

Jul 21 '14
waynethevegan:

s0mething-rad:

fuckyeahrainbowhair:


fallingfate:
rapeculturemakesmeangry:

This is from the slut walk. One of the arguments is that girls ask for rape because they wear slutty clothes, short skirts, tight, low-cut tops. This girl is an example of the fact that rape victims can look like anyone, you, me, this girl. Rapists. Dont. Discriminate.

I promised a long time ago that I’d reblog this whenever I saw it on my dash. No regrets, it breaks my heart every single time.

an incredibly important message, rape is rape. no one is ever asking for it. a woman has the right to dress how ever they want - it is society that identifies risque dressing as ‘asking for it’, and in my opinion, that way of thinking needs to be diminished.

Seriously if you see this and don’t reblog it, I have NO respect for you

always reblog

waynethevegan:

s0mething-rad:

fuckyeahrainbowhair:

fallingfate:

rapeculturemakesmeangry:

This is from the slut walk. One of the arguments is that girls ask for rape because they wear slutty clothes, short skirts, tight, low-cut tops. This girl is an example of the fact that rape victims can look like anyone, you, me, this girl. Rapists. Dont. Discriminate.

I promised a long time ago that I’d reblog this whenever I saw it on my dash. No regrets, it breaks my heart every single time.

an incredibly important message, rape is rape. no one is ever asking for it. a woman has the right to dress how ever they want - it is society that identifies risque dressing as ‘asking for it’, and in my opinion, that way of thinking needs to be diminished.

Seriously if you see this and don’t reblog it, I have NO respect for you

always reblog

Jul 21 '14

I like movies.

I like making connections between things.

So here’s some double feature ideas:

  • Dream House and Shutter Island because they’re basically inverses of each other, and it’s awesome
  • Django Unchained and Twelve Years a Slave: fantasy vs. history, both brutal as fuck, jeez, I had to stop in the middle of Django to think happy thoughts and I can’t even deal with Solomon Northrup lying about that letter, how would he even know how to write, who would teach him, n*****s can’t read or write, ugh, and Patsy, I CAN’T
  • Obviously I have to include The Rocky Horror Picture Show because ~*theme song*~ but it does actually tie in well with Hedwig and the Angry Inch
  • The Crying Game and V for Vendetta because Stephen Rea, basically. I keep hoping I’ll find someone else who shares my headcanon that Fergus and Finch are the same person, with this whole tragic story that bridges the gap between the two movies, and Finch’s haunted eyes* aren’t just the result of the whole dystopia thing, but because he got out, lived happily ever after…and then Dil died. SO MUCH FEEL
  • But anyway with regard to above tangent, no one besides me seems to love those two movies with equal ardour
  • Bonus level triple feature: Back to the FutureDonnie Darko, and Primer because WOOOooo time travel
  • Trainspotting and Requiem for a Dream. You will never ever be even slightly tempted to do drugs. You will also probably have screaming night terrors for a thousand years.
  • My Beautiful Laundrette and A Room with a View: both contain a young Daniel Day-Lewis, but because is a literal chameleon, you would not know it unless someone told you, like someone (me) is doing right now. Both about the constraints of conformity on love and sexuality, about family suffocating young people, the friction between social pressures/norms and young love.
  • For an overlapping double feature with more obvious parallels than the above, try My Beautiful Laundrette and Maurice. Or for that matter, since class is a thing that is affected by queerness, try Lianna with both.
  • I want to come up with a double feature for City of God but I can’t, everything I think of just doesn’t compare in quality, it stands alone, it’s so good, watch it.
  • Funny Games (the original German one, shot-for-shot remakes, while I have never seen any, seem like they’re missing the point, and like they’d be a waste of time to watch) and Saw. Fabulous psychological thrillers, each; very claustrophobic, filmed in limited settings, almost black box theatre worthy; one set fire to the whole torture porn genre, the other offers a meta-criticism via cinematography (among other things? Mostly I remember the scene where the camera stays on her face and just her face, which if you’ve seen it you’ll know what I mean, and if you haven’t it’s not a spoiler). Also screaming night terrors for a thousand years. Also: The Dread Pirate Westley got old :( but still handsome enough, in his way.
  • Emma (the one with Gwyneth Paltrow) and Clueless, for obvious reasons.
  • Kenneth Branagh’s Much Ado About Nothing and Joss Whedon’s Much Ado About Nothing. They are both fabulous. There are a lot of naked butts in the former. The latter is filmed in Our Overlord Whedon’s actual house. So if you’re a member of the Whedon cult, that’s a thing that happened. But on the other hand, Emma Thompson. And butts. Buttttttt…on the third hand, or possibly tentacle, I really like Amy Acker and Alexis Denisof and Clark Gregg and whoever played the cute queer-looking photographer at the party and Nathan Fillion and Fran Kranz and the guy that played Andrew on Buffy but has also been in other stuff, and just, the directorial style on Whedon’s version is so great, it feels fresh, it’s intimate and painful and heartbreaking, I like it. Butt on the fourth appendage, EMMA THOMPSON NO THIS POINT IS NOT REDUNDANT SHE IS A GODDESS AMONG WOMEN DON’T FRONT
  • The Royal Tenenbaums and Lone Star (dir. John Sayles) - weird dysfunctional family problems over generations, wildly different tones, both examples of really tight filmmaking. Because Sayles and Wes Anderson are pros to the max. (I’m trying to avoid saying the word “auteur” here because I feel like I’ve reached my weekly quota for cinephile bullshit in this post’s concept alone, but whoops, looks like I just said it, oh well.)

More suggestions welcome! And if anyone can think of a modern/accessible movie that would go well with On the Waterfront or Casablanca, I would be really pleased if you passed it on to me - I keep wanting to show these movies to my friends but I feel like they’re just gonna snooze if they don’t have anything to hold onto going in, even if it’s just the promise of a different movie that contains full color sex and explosions afterward. You know?

Jul 12 '14