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sometimes i am tempted to like score some valium and painkillers and just, like, sterilize an exacto knife or liberated scalpel or something (with…fire and rubbing alcohol?), and just, cut the damn things off, you know
#transproblems #ftmproblems #triggerwarning probably this is kind of gory i guess #badideas #butyolo? #hashtag
A list of common terms in the progressive vocabulary that are used problematically, BESIDES “bisexual”:
- “ambiguous genitalia”
- “preferred pronouns”
- “same sex relationship”
- “male-to-female” or mtf
Let’s be clear: although general trends exist, everyone’s sexual and romantic attractions, fantasies, and experiences are unique, and they rarely relate to the object of attraction’s internal sense of their own gender. Everyone responds differently to the gender pressures of their culture or cultures, and everyone’s internal sense of their own gender is also unique.
Singling out bisexuals to criticize them for their attempt to make their experiences, their attractions, their identities intelligible both to themselves and to the world - that is biphobia, and it is by far more damaging and problematic than the word “bisexual.”
bisexual means you can only like 2 things i’ve chosen drinking and wizards
Cereal and ferrets
Eyeliner and ice cream
Sauerkraut and puppies!!!
70/30 internet and real life
Being a nice person is so fun
Waiter messes something up? You can see the relief on their faces when you don’t scream and swear at them about it
Extra tickets at an arcade/prize place? Watch a little kid’s face light up when you give them a bunch of tickets
There are too many assholes in this world. Be a nice person.
yeah, this is my experience as well
How does a person become a radfem?
Typical Oliver internet rabbit hole: I was browsing Autostraddle, started reading an article about Gavin McInnes (apparently has spouted a bunch of terrifying nonsense), skimmed one of his articles that they fakelinked to, where he had embedded a link to a TERF’s blog entry about how all penis-in-vagina sex is rape. (Straw feminist ploy on McInnes’s part, as I see it, even if this straw feminist is an actual person. There needs to be a separate term for that, when you aren’t putting words in a straw opponent’s mouth, just pointing to an extreme example of a group and implying that they represent the whole. Kind of like me pointing at Rush Limbaugh as an example of all conservatives, I guess.)
One of the things I’ve been really troubled by lately is lack of nuance in political/social justice discussions. I’m neither an absolutist nor a committed ethical relativist: I don’t think ethics are black and white; often there are many “good” approaches and often there are few or none; there are always unhelpful or harmful approaches; and there’s probably never a “correct” or “right” approach, maybe not even a “best” one. Still, there are (at most somewhat objective) ways to determine the ethical or moral advantages and disadvantages of a word or action, or a system, a society, etc.
So that’s where I’m coming from.
I’m not going to waste time on McInnes. I can’t take him seriously and honestly I don’t want to go through and read horrible stuff that other people, “regular” people, probably read and agreed with or laughed along with. That’s honestly more upsetting than reading hurtful things written by someone on the fringes, who I can’t picture catching the ear of anyone who has any power over me, or anyone I love. I’m also not going to pick apart the radfem’s perspective for it’s own sake because that seems like a waste of time too, and frustrating.
What I’m wondering is how a person becomes a radfem? Like, I get how you become McInnes, I think - I can imagine it. Honestly it just seems like a lot of ego, intellectual laziness, and lack of empathy. Plus privilege, yeah. A ton of privilege. But radfems - it’s not that I’m not able to figure out where the idea that heterosexual sex is always rape comes from (patriarchy -> women are brainwashed to love their chains or not be able to see them -> consent is not possible), it’s that I don’t understand how a person ignores the inadequacy of this paradigm. Like, there are flaws in the logic to be sure, but also it is just not a mental framework conducive to living a happy or satisfying or constructive life, and it’s pretty short on ways to address the problems it identifies, whether practical or theoretical.
Like, sexual pleasure is obviously something that most humans feel and enjoy, and most of them like it better when they share it with another person. It can even be lonely to go without sexual contact for long periods of time, detrimental to one’s mental and ultimately physical health. (Loneliness -> depression -> physical symptoms of depression, or loneliness -> depression -> self-harm, or nobody’s getting intimate with your body on a regular basis, not even you, and a serious health issue goes unnoticed, etc.) (Also, obviously you can live a happy and healthy life without sex. Plus, significantly decreased risk of STIs!) So, if all PIV is rape, and you’re advocating against any rape of any kind ever happening, which I assume you are (“you” being the hypothetical radfem I’m trying to understand), then…can men and women have other kinds of sexual contact without it being rape? Is that the solution?
(Which, honestly, I feel like that would be acceptable for some people. There are plenty of women who prefer non-penetrative sex. There are couples who just abstain from it. You do you.)
But…the earlier path I followed to get to the point where heterosexual sex was always rape did not actually have a loophole for non-PIV sex, so - what do women who are attracted to men, exclusively, do? Vibrators aren’t gonna cut it for everyone. Plus there’s that whole loneliness thing.
Anyway. How do you get to a place where you’re a person who thinks things like this? If you were abused I can definitely get why. If you weren’t and your friend was, maybe. But even for anyone who comes to radfem conclusions, how do you stay there? How do you function? How do you not realize how reductive your ideas are?
I try to shy away from reductive opinions. I can get caught up in them, don’t get me wrong, especially if I’m angry enough or hurt enough or I haven’t thought things through. But my politics and general approach to living aspires to come from a place of compassion and love, so when I realize I’m doing the opposite, I try to course correct. Honestly, although I’m very committed to authenticity, I’m not as interested in factual truth because it’s just - inadequate. Truth is fascinating and powerful, but compassion is much more useful.
And fear, anger, hurt, sadness - these are all completely appropriate to the horrors we witness and experience, but they’re pretty shaky as the basis for a philosophy, or for action.
But what do I know, I’m a traitor to my sex. (Rolls eyes.)
(probably also going to submit this as an ask to some trans blogs)
(this question also applies to anyone else who has this particular question, or an answer to it, I just figure trans guys would be my best option for answers, but maybe cis women with strap ons as well?)
Hey y’all. This is a sex question. This is a sex accessory/toy question. (I apologize to anyone I know in real life who reads this - don’t click the read more link unless you’re sure you won’t want to unknow.) I think I’ve researched a lot of my options pretty thoroughly, but I got one thing I’m still looking for, and I’m not even sure what my search terms would be.
every time I gorge myself on a particular ship I start having really specific cravings for like The Ideal Fic for that ship
like rn I want a steve/bucky fic that has
sam wilson remembers that Steve Has PTSD Too
steve does not remember that steve has ptsd too
people were homophobic in the thirties and forties, please address this
also I really like >10k fics
so if anyone writes my dream steve/bucky fic I’ll read it a thousand times probs
can we have 5000 more fics like mistake on the part of nature and tag ur porn
I feel like I want there to be not just women’s spaces, but also “women and trans* folk of all varieties” spaces. Like, I like trans spaces, they’re good, but they’re also a little lonely and insular, prob because we’re only around 2% of the population? Also I just like women a lot. I like their minds, and hanging out with them. I think this whole genre of angst I’ve been having is down to one of the following, or a combination…
- I want to have my cake and eat it too
- the grass is always greener on the other side
- non-binary problems
I suppose it could be a male privilege/patriarchal urge to assert claim to everything, but that seems pretty unlikely - I don’t feel possessive, just forlorn, like I’m losing something important.
Tumblr, you should know this about me: I am an aspiring dad. Like, literally I do want to raise a kid someday, and it’ll be amazing and stressful and beautiful and super confusing and okay imma stop there because I could actually go on for paragraphs about the magic and responsibility of caring for a child and being a parent, but no, that is not my point here. My point is that someone in the last few months made the observation that all of my jokes are basically dad jokes, and, probably contrary to her expectations, I got all warm and fuzzy and it started this whole thing where I’m really excited about being the cheesiest dad ever.
I dunno. It’s a silly goal. But also, pretty much everyone I know has some sort of bad blood with their father(s) and I don’t want to be that person for my kid, you know? Presumably all those men love their children and want them to be happy, and I know I will definitely feel the same about my future kid, so, I’d MUCH RATHER be the lame, corny, groan-inducing dad than the dad who was never around, or the dad who was always angry, or - whatever, there’s so many problems I’ve experienced or heard about.
So, goals for parenting:
So, I’m in the process of getting my shit together for the first three, but it’s kind of stressful and too somber to talk about when really I just want to talk about how awesome babies and kids and teenagers and just, that whole offspring situation all is, or can be, so instead, Dad jokes. I’m boning up on my Dad jokes. I’m crafting elaborate Dad jokes in my head, practicing on my friends, so that when the time comes, I’ll be ready with everything from “Hi Hungry, I’m Dad” to perfectly timed puns.
And since I’m sort of a self-styled “armchair linguist”* I feel that I will be even better prepared for this sort of thing, as most of the best (/worst?) Dad jokes revolve around wordplay.
**Secondhand Dad joke, from my own dad, who is one of the masters of the Dad Joke (pratfalls! multi-tier puns! surreal humor!)
okay now what are mom jokes though
i feel like they’re different
sometimes they mock you lovingly?
or teach you a lesson, sort of, maybe, ehh
my actual specific mom is hilariously terrible at telling jokes
like, she’ll get the punchline out of order or set it up wrong so the punchline doesn’t make sense
it’s really adorable, it’s like the joke-telling part of her brain is just, stuck at four years old
(i’m pretty sure my stepmom’s joke-telling and appreciation is stuck at 8th grader, but i mean, dad jokes pretty much average the approximate maturity level of your typical 8 year old, smug “c wat i did there” grin and all)
but anyway, for example, my mom was telling me a logic joke, and this is how she told it:
"3 mathematicians walk into a bar, and the bartender asks the first one if he wants a drink and he says maybe. the bartender asks the second one if he wants a drink and he says maybe. and then the bartender asks the third one if he wants a drink and he says yes."
and then she stopped and waited for me to get it
i just stared back at her, waiting for it to click
so anyway, this is the actual joke:
Three mathematicians walk into a bar.
The bartender asks them, “Do you all want a drink?”
The first one says, “Maybe.”
The second one says, “Maybe.”
And the third one says, “Yes.”
which i actually do find pretty amusing because i am a nerd
and it would’ve qualified as a very nerdy Dad Joke if not for the delivery
as it was, it qualified as a “we are laughing because you are terrible at this, like, little kids are better than you at this, it’s like watching a puppy trying to pick up a basketball” and i was much more delighted with my mom’s general incongruity and quirkiness than with the actual joke
she’s actually really smart
she has a masters in english literature
SHE CAN READ BEOWULF UNTRANSLATED
also she’s just
and i feel bad for making fun of her on the internet
even though IT’S ALL TRUE
and additionally is one of the things i love the best about her
my mom is actually the best you guys, that’s what you should take away from this
The life that I have
Is all that I have
And the life that I have
The love that I have
Of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours.
A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause.
For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours and yours.
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